Today is my last day at Children of the Nations. Wow. It doesn't quite feel real. I have been preparing for this for several weeks and now it's here. It's an interesting thing saying goodbye to something that is so good. Today I have been experiencing an indescribable amount of peace. Sure, on top of the peace I have felt fear, excitement, and sadness. But I know that I am stepping into this next chapter for a reason. Today I made my last deposit, my last phone call, my last email, my last COTN google doc, my last training, my last item on my last to do list, and my last goodbye. My last goodbye was filled with so much gratitude. My last goodbye was to two men that we call "The J Team" or "the construction guys" at our office. These two have been incredible servants from day one, always with a smile. Being a team of women, they have stepped in without being asked on countless occasions, and have always done it so willingly. They have both intensionally taken English classes so that they'd be able to talk with us. They have been such a joy to work with and get to know. They have really become friends. The J team has never asked for anything, and always been so willing and happy to step in and help. Today as I said goodbye, they said "you have given us so much." Wow. Truly humble servants. I gave them christmas cards and chocolates (not nearly enough) and left. And I cried my way home. I don't know if it was saying my last goodbye or saying goodbye to them that did me in. They have, in so many ways, been the backbone and unsung heroes of Children of the Nations and my time as the Area Director here. I truly could not have done it without them.
And so, I have closed up shop, for the holidays and for this amazing almost-5-year season with an incredible ministry that has changed my life forever. It was January 2010 that I began my journey with COTN. I will never be the same. I have travelled the world and shared life with unforgettable people, made hundreds of new friends, and learned incredible lessons on compassion, love, service, ministry, international development, what it means to truly help others, leadership, event planning, partner development, fundraising, The Church, God's provision, my own poverty and riches, grace, and living out love. I know those lessons are not over for me. I am being called deeper into each of those. What that will look like? I have some ideas, options, and some time to figure that out; but, ultimately, it beats me! I am stepping out in faith as I remember stories of Abraham, Moses, Esther, and so many others who have chosen to listen to that still small voice. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of them. Their stories help me to remember that I can act on something that appears foolish to some (leaving a position that looks great on a resume at an organization that has been so wonderful) for something that's actually a little harder (pursuing a passion that I believe God has gifted me with); and as I actively pursue what's in front of me, God will provide a way.
This is the way I came to COTN (stepping into the great unknown), and the way that I am stepping out of the boat.
And so, with tears in my eyes and a song of thanksgiving on my mouth, I step out into the great unknown - excited, anticipating, and a little scared; but full of peace - knowing full well that "you are exactly where you should be. You are doing exactly what you should be doing."
A friend sent me an email today with this verse, and it brought me so much comfort: "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deut. 31:8)
And so here I go! The adventure continues!
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