I've Said My Last Goodbye at Children of the Nations

Today is my last day at Children of the Nations. Wow. It doesn't quite feel real. I have been preparing for this for several weeks and now it's here. It's an interesting thing saying goodbye to something that is so good. Today I have been experiencing an indescribable amount of peace. Sure, on top of the peace I have felt fear, excitement, and sadness. But I know that I am stepping into this next chapter for a reason. Today I made my last deposit, my last phone call, my last email, my last COTN google doc, my last training, my last item on my last to do list, and my last goodbye. My last goodbye was filled with so much gratitude. My last goodbye was to two men that we call "The J Team" or "the construction guys" at our office. These two have been incredible servants from day one, always with a smile. Being a team of women, they have stepped in without being asked on countless occasions, and have always done it so willingly. They have both intensionally taken English classes so that they'd be able to talk with us. They have been such a joy to work with and get to know. They have really become friends. The J team has never asked for anything, and always been so willing and happy to step in and help. Today as I said goodbye, they said "you have given us so much." Wow. Truly humble servants. I gave them christmas cards and chocolates (not nearly enough) and left. And I cried my way home. I don't know if it was saying my last goodbye or saying goodbye to them that did me in. They have, in so many ways, been the backbone and unsung heroes of Children of the Nations and my time as the Area Director here. I truly could not have done it without them.

And so, I have closed up shop, for the holidays and for this amazing almost-5-year season with an incredible ministry that has changed my life forever. It was January 2010 that I began my journey with COTN. I will never be the same. I have travelled the world and shared life with unforgettable people, made hundreds of new friends, and learned incredible lessons on compassion, love, service, ministry, international development, what it means to truly help others, leadership, event planning, partner development, fundraising, The Church, God's provision, my own poverty and riches, grace, and living out love. I know those lessons are not over for me. I am being called deeper into each of those. What that will look like? I have some ideas, options, and some time to figure that out; but, ultimately, it beats me! I am stepping out in faith as I remember stories of Abraham, Moses, Esther, and so many others who have chosen to listen to that still small voice. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of them. Their stories help me to remember that I can act on something that appears foolish to some (leaving a position that looks great on a resume at an organization that has been so wonderful) for something that's actually a little harder (pursuing a passion that I believe God has gifted me with); and as I actively pursue what's in front of me, God will provide a way.

This is the way I came to COTN (stepping into the great unknown), and the way that I am stepping out of the boat.

And so, with tears in my eyes and a song of thanksgiving on my mouth, I step out into the great unknown - excited, anticipating, and a little scared; but full of peace - knowing full well that "you are exactly where you should be. You are doing exactly what you should be doing."

A friend sent me an email today with this verse, and it brought me so much comfort: "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deut. 31:8)

And so here I go! The adventure continues!

My Goodbye Letter to COTN

Dear Friends and Family, 

I have so much to be thankful for and you are at the top of my list. Truly. I am overflowing with gratitude as I write this. I know that I could not be where I am today without the love, support, gifts, prayers, and words of encouragement that you have shown. I am truly blown away at the abundance of blessings that I have experienced these last 4 ½ years at Children of the Nations.

While my heart is full of gratitude, it is with sadness and joy that I let you know that my time at Children of the Nations is coming to a close at the end of this year. I am sad to be leaving COTN because it has been such a wonderful experience and, in a lot of ways, a big family to me. I am leaving on very positive terms and plan to stay connected indefinitely. I love the organization and believe in what they do in raising orphaned and destitute children to transform nations. I have seen it first hand and that will stick with me forever. 

Starting on January 1, 2015 Jackie Barnes will be taking on my current position at Children of the Nations. She is wonderful and I am confident in her abilities to continue to develop what I have been a part of establishing in San Diego. 

My decision to leave COTN came as I have continued to return to the vision that came to me years ago of developing an art program for people in need: providing hope, healing, and life-skills through artisan work. This vision has become clearer and clearer as I have explored options through my time at COTN, being a part of art camps, workshops, trips, and many conversations with my friends internationally and here in the states. I am confident that this is what I am being called to explore, discover, and develop in myself and give back to others. However, in order to do that, I need to gain new skills and experience in the art world. 

And so, I am taking a giant leap of faith right now as I pursue my dream and vision. 

I am in the process of looking for a job in the art and design world while I further develop my art skills. I am also excited to have found an organization in Haiti called “The Apparent Project” which provides artisan jobs so that parents can keep their children out of orphanages. I am blessed and excited that my sister, Lauren, has a very similar vision to mine: to provide hope, healing, and life-skills through artisan work. So we will be going to Haiti together January 20-24, 2015 (stay tuned for more info)!! We don’t know what God has in store for us in this adventure, but we know that we want to explore and turn over as many stones as we can. 

Please pray for me as I explore the options in front of me: what jobs and opportunities to take, who to connect with, and even what city I will live in. I am excited to see how things take shape as I get closer to 2015. If you have any connections that you think would be a good fit, I am open to exploring all options. 

To continue giving to the wonderful ministry of Children of the Nations, please consider sponsoring a child, I have many friends (children) in need of sponsors like you: www.cotni.org/children

Thank you again for a being on this journey with me with Children of the Nations. It has been an incredible experience that I will always treasure. The journey is not over! Adventure awaits! 

His,
Amber 

He is Provider

At the end of the last quarter, I needed $700 to meet my support raising goal of $3000 by March 31 (for those of you who read my email, I am sorry that my math was SO confusing!). I prayed a lot, thought through my best options, asked, and prayed some more. I had no idea how that was going to happen in a matter of 2 weeks. And then...

On March 30, I had an appointment with my car insurance guy because a while ago some nincompoop decided to key my car in the 30 mins it was parked on the street (one of those "random acts of meanness"). Mr. Insurance came to my office, took pictures of the "art work" on my car, and asked me a couple questions. He told me he would work on some estimates, and be back in a few minutes. After about 30 mins he knocks on my office door again with a packet in hand. "Paperwork", I thought. He said, "Well, I did all of the estimations, and got you a few quotes for auto body repairs. So with those totals, after your deductible, it comes to $719." I stood there in shock. "And I have a check already printed for you, right here," he said. My jaw hit the floor. No way! I had expected to get maybe $200, if anything at all! And now, the day before I needed $700, I held in my hand a check for $19 over what I needed!! I wanted to give Superman Insurance Man a giant hug, but I composed myself, thinking that may not be very professional.

He is taking care of me. In abundance! I could have never in a million years predicted something like that. It was more proof to me that he gives us just what we need... and then some.

"You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delights." Psalm 36:8

Video about me and COTN!

It's been a long time since I have been here. This year has been a bit of a blur. It was full of big challenges, growth promotions, actual promotions, incredible experiences, opportunities I never expected, and relationships (with friends, family and God) like I have never experienced before. My love for God and the ministry He is doing through COTN has been deepened and I couldn't be more happy to be where I am right now. It is truly an honor to be a part of this great movement! Check out my video here:

……. Processing

……… - this is what I feel like my mind has been doing for the last week. I have been catching up on much needed sleep (from 8-15 hours a night! Score! Yep, I get really excited about sleep. It's the best. It's God's best invention and makes everything better. It is so true that "without sleep we are just tall 2 year olds". Anyway, I could write a whole blogpost about it, but I'll spare you) and processing our experience in Uganda. I am a processor. I enjoy and need ample time to sit in an experience in order to understand and soak up every bit that I can. This time in Uganda may have been the most impactful trip that I have ever experienced. I wish that I could bottle it up and bring it home to share with everyone, but they haven't invented that App yet.
     I made a list of "Things to Remember from Uganda 2012". My desire is to blog about each one. I will start off with a few stories and then add more later on.

Beauty and Healing through the Pain

   I recently finished a new favorite book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Ann was "dared" by a friend to take note of 1,000 things in her life that she saw as beautiful gifts. The book journeys with her through her discovery of deep gratitude and simple beauty. But the book starts out with an earth shaking tragedy in her life. She was shaken to her core and stricken by fear for a long time. However, after taking ample time to grieve, she made a choice to look for God's infinite beauty in the midst of her pain and found healing there. I experienced this Uganda. In order for you to understand the incredible depth of impact that Children of the Nations is having on Uganda, I need to share with you some context of what the beautiful people of this country have come through. Some of this is uncomfortable and unimaginable. Let me assure you of two things: 1) the stories and people are real today, and 2) God is actively healing and transforming this nation.
   Death and destruction riddled "The Pearl of Africa" for decades. With the presence of The LRA (The Lord's Resistance Army) and a corrupt government, thousands of innocent lives have been ruined and ruled over in atrocious ways that I cannot repeat openly here. Trust me when I say that some of the most disgusting, inhumane, unbelievable things have happened to men, women and children at the hands of bloodthirsty soldiers. Children forced to kill their families, parents forced to kill their own children. Innocent people abducted, tortured and maimed in unthinkable ways. There is not a Ugandan who has not been effected by the horrors of these evil forces.
   On our first full day in Northern Uganda we visited a village called Barlonyo. This village had been home to 13 of the children now living in full care at Children of the Nations - Uganda. During the war in Uganda, Barlonyo was an IDP (Internally Displaced People) camp. IDP camps were intended to be places of refuge for families who had been driven out of their homes by the war. Barlonyo was one of the largest IDP camps in Northern Uganda, housing over 500 families. On February 21, 2004 Barlonyo was attacked by hundreds of armed soldiers. In broad daylight houses were set ablaze and hundreds upon hundreds of innocent people were ruthlessly killed. Like so many other attacks of this nature, survivors were left with nothing, orphans were left to take care of orphans. Many, like "Tabitha" and her grandmother were able to escape. Tabitha's grandmother still lives in Barlonyo and greets visitors who come to learn and pay their respects at the mass grave in the center of the village (pictured below).

Barlonyo's Mass grave

Orphans caring for Orphans

(while I dont know if these children are orphans, I wanted to share with you what it looks like. COTN regularly discovers child-headed households. It is not uncommon to find children as young as 5 years old caring for their younger siblings)

   We left Barlonyo quietly. Our souls mourning the loss of thousands of other souls. How could this happen? How do you begin to comprehend? What can we do? It is impossible to leave Barlonyo unchanged. We were there for only a couple hours, but I will never forget the impact that it had on my heart. To think that this was just one instance of hundreds of similar attacks. During our two weeks, we heard many more personal accounts of similar, unfathomable pain. One man that we got to know has narrowly escaped death at least 10 times in his life.
   However, from this pain, destruction and suffering comes transformation and healing. It is hard to see when you are reading about it and can only see it in 2-D. But trust me when I tell you that God's presence, healing power, restoration and transformation is real and at work right now. One of the things I wrote on my list of "Things to Remember…" is "Deep sorrow met with deep joy." As I listened and learned about the atrocities that happened to the people of Uganda, I simultaneously experienced their deep joy and love. I was reminded of two things: first, was the verse that says to "mourn with those who mourn and be joyful with those who are joyful"; and, second, one of my favorite quotes from Kahlil Gibran that says,

      "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall." (emphasis added)

   The next day we drove the 20 minutes from the guesthouse to Children of the Nations-Uganda. As soon as the van rounded the corner, masses of blue shorts and pink shirts came running toward us; children laughing and screaming in excitement! Joy in its purest form. Tabitha was one of them. A survivor of Barlonyo's attack, she carries physical scars of her family burned. But Tabitha has a joy that can move mountains. She has, by God's healing through counseling and the love of others, transformed into a beautiful young lady who loves to sing and dance and love others deeply. She is just one of hundreds who are a testament of God's love, healing and transformation.

Here is a little taste of that joy...

This is a dance that the children at the Children's Village did for us at the Welcome Celebration when we arrived the first night

   

Making Dreams Come True is Actually Kinda Scary

About 5 weeks ago I stepped out in faith and left my “other job” as a jewelry-smith of 2 years, because I knew it was time to pursue my dream of creating an art program with Children of the Nations (COTN). It is a continual step of faith. Faith is funny like that. It’s not a one-time decision, like deciding to eat dessert before dinner. It is a constant, daily decision to trust. I fluctuate between a giddy joy and excitement of what amazing opportunities are to come, and being paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. That is where trust comes in.

So what does this look like, you ask? I am in the throws of defining my vision for this art program: creating curriculum, seeking counsel from professionals, reading Art Therapy books, registering for a couple prerequisites for the masters program I am pursuing, praying constantly, seeking counsel and (did I mention?) seeking counsel. I will admit to you that it is difficult and vulnerable for me to share this plan with others (particularly professionals in the field), when I dont know all of it. But, here is what I do know. I know that art is an extraordinary tool for healing. I know that God has given us creative minds so that we can experience Him and express Him. I know that there are children who have been through more trauma than words could ever express. I know that art can, with God’s help, be an instrument for expressing the depths of one’s soul, where words cannot. I know that I have been given a deep yearning and passion to be an advocate for children without a voice, provide a safe place of expression for those who are hurting, use art as a tool for healing, use the resources that I have been given to serve others, and to cross cultures with art. I know that I have ideas of what this art program will look like, but I also know that it has already been morphing into a better model these last few weeks. I know that my mission is:

“To empower and actively love and care for God’s children -others and myself- through creative expression and compassion as an act of worship.”

By pursuing that, I cant go wrong. I can’t fail, because God is at the center. My desire is to use COTN as a platform for this mission. 

I hear Professor Leffel in the back of my mind, enthusiastically saying “Just Nike guys!”… just do it. Yes, but how? How do I take my life dream and make it a reality? Gulp. Yes, I will fail at things. Yes, everything that I am imagining and dreaming today will potentially look 180* different in 2 years time. Yes, there will be times when I will want to throw in the towel and call it quits. But I know that if I do not pursue this with all of my heart, I will absolutely regret it for the rest of my life. Edgar Lee Masters' words resonate:

“I have studied many times the marble which was chiseled for me - A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor. In truth it pictures not my destination but my life. For love was offered me & I shrank from its disillusionment; Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid; Ambition called me, but I dreaded the chances. Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life. And now I know that we must lift the sail and catch the winds of destiny, wherever they drive the boat. To put meaning in one's life may end in madness, but life without meaning is the torture of restlessness and vague desire - it's a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.”

- Edgar Lee Masters

On those “fear days”, I have to remember the times that I have succeeded, the times that I have thrived, the times when I was left feeling like I used my strengths and gifts to their fullest potential. I have to remember the times when I’ve stepped out in faith and trusted in a God bigger than me and my meager ideas; leaning into the fact that He has a plan that encompasses all and more than I am capable of dreaming. To trust him is the scariest, most rewarding adventure I could ever choose to take.

This is His, not mine.

He knows how I will do in school. He knows the times that I will fall short. He knows that when I do, He has the opportunity to shine all the more. He knows my future, my past, my desires, my dreams, my vision, my insecurities. So many of those things were placed in me by Him. He knows my struggles, my shortcomings, and where I lack knowledge and skill. He knows others who can fill those gaps for me. He knows what is in store. He knows. I trust. I step. One at a time.

I have officially gotten 1,000 views on my blog! I dont know if that is cool or creepy since some of those views are from random places around the world. But I am honored to hit 1,000 views.

It seems like my posts are often reminiscent of my journal entries, going something like this: "I cant believe it's been so long since I have written here. So much has happened. Why dont I write in here more?" Might sound familiar to you too? While I won't go into grave detail about all that has gone on since my last post in October (oh, geeze!) because I might just put you to sleep, I will tell you this… life has been full, heavy, joyful, exciting, sad at times and - as is always true - continues to change. Change is inevitable. But that is part of the adventure, right?

To give you a better idea of what has gone on in my life, here is my recent newsletter (for those of you whose address I do not have… if you would like to be on my mailing list, please email me with your address): Amber's Quarterly Update

Until next time (hopefully not as long this time)

New Ground

ground |ground|

noun [in sing.] the solid surface of the earth. 2 an area of knowledge or subject of discussion or thought.  3 (grounds) factors forming a basis for action or the justification for a belief.  4 chiefly Art: a prepared surface to which paint is applied.  A substance used to prepare a surface for painting.

To find yourself on new ground can be exhilarating. You take in your first deep breath and experience new smells and sounds that you have never known before; at least here, right now, in this context. Like stepping off a plane in a foreign land, this new ground - though it has been there all along - feels fresh and untapped, full of possibility. And you set off, ready to embrace the next step.
I recently set my feet (and my belongings) on the new ground of an apartment! After living at my parent's house for an unexpected 2 years, I became a nomad, of sorts. Over the course of four months, I have lived in 5 different places and had a total of ten roommates (if you include Lola, the dog). I loved meeting and living with new people and re-learning being a roommate. And now, I have settled myself, with my name on a lease, in a cozy apartment in the artsy neighborhood of North Park, with a wonderful roommate named Kristi. It is beginning to feel like home and I am so thankful to be in a place where I can rest myself and start a new chapter of life, embracing the artistic culture of NP and creating a home. 
Another area of new ground has been my new position with Children of the Nations (I've actually been in this position for a few months now). I transitioned from my roll as Venture Coordinator, to Community Coordinator. I have loved meeting with people, sharing the vision of COTN and joining together with others also passionate about "raising children who transform nations." What an honor it has been. I am continuing to learn, grow and be challenged in my new roll.
In my September newsletter, I wrote about a partnership with a local Christian camp, Pondo (short for Pondorosa Pines Christian Camp) that was developed with COTN San Diego over the summer. In my letter, I referenced a recent trip to the Dominican Republic where the youth learned about new water purification systems being installed in their (and neighboring) batays because of the generocity of Pondo and its campers. The students danced. They danced for water! Watch the following videos to get a taste of the contagious excitement that week. 



COTN Dominican Republic Youth Camp, summer 2011

Watch this video to see campers excited about the new water purification systems

I think of new ground as we prepare for 2012 with new partners and relationships in San Diego. I am excited for the growth and exploration that is to come, in every way. 

In a way, every day is new ground. We have the choice to explore and set out on a new path. Untapped earth. What "new" can I find in my day, I wonder…?

I explore. One step at a time.

… what I have to give ...

After a full day of cleaning and purging through a closet that had been my "dumping ground" for the last [ah-chem]… 2 years [yes I'm blushing], I found plenty of junk, too much trash (of course it wasn't trash when it entered the closet vortex) and a few treasures. One such treasure (or at least a good little nugget) was a simple piece of yellow paper with black scribbles (written during a time of soul searching and job searching about 1.5 years ago). As I sat reading amongst my pile of stuff, I found my old words profound, revisiting the idea of cleaning this globe of poverty. Here's what it reads:
   "I'm pretty sure we can all agree that single handedly donning the task of obliterating poverty from this planet is impossible. If you study psychology, sociology, anthropology or economics for even a short time, you will find a history full of oppression and hierarchy. However, that is no reason to stop efforts dedicated to lifting other humans out of the depths of pain and suffering. We are just as human as anyone else. So, since we have been given so much (not only stuff and money, but our hands, feet, minds and hearts) - while masses are being exploited and living a life they did not ask for, nor do they deserve - we can change the patterns of history. This is a daring, bold, risky thing; but there is no better time than now. We don't know if we will have 'later'. I want to do something with these hands. Remember, 'alone you can go fast, but together you can go far.' We know that there is not just one answer that will solve this issue of poverty, rather a tapestry of many. And I'll say it now to get it out of the way, "we just need to love people." There. I said it. Though cliche it may be; it's true. Taking that a step further though: what else can we do IN LOVE to eradicate poverty? Change takes action. As a wise man once said, 'Be the change you wish to see in the world' (Ghandi). Bring hope. Bring love.


If you have a couple extra minutes today, look through these amazing pictures; paintings and poetry of heaven and earth by a young girl (starting at 4 years old!). It will take your breath away. This is a young lady who is living out her gifts and using her hands to glorify God, "because I cant stop myself", she says. I want to meet this remarkable girl one day. So, I dont challenge you to try to paint like her (because I think that's impossible for almost anyone), but I do challenge you (and me!) to live like her. What has God gifted you with? How are you using it? How can you use it better, to the point where all you can say is, "I just cant stop myself"? Take a look at what you are good at (make a list if you have to), name a theme for your talents (artist, numbers guy, advocate, etc.) and do one thing today (toward that theme) that scares you. Journal your experience so that you can remind your future self. Try it again tomorrow.

"Power of Prayer" by Akiane, age 10 

(click picture to go straight to her gallery)

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." 

- Howard Thurman

New at Open Canvas!

Check it out! I have added a couple new pages to Open Canvas as a way to open things even more. Open Canvas is a place for my global musings and creative expression. I hope you enjoy!

abundant opportunity

I am clearly very overdue for updating you on the happenings of my life (that is if I still have any followers here). I am still fairly new to owning a blog, so I will rest on that excuse for now. The last three months have been a bit of a whirlwind, full of so many fun, growing, adventurous, new things. And now, I am tired. I am currently sitting on the couch - where I have been for the last ?  hours - with my feet up, a box of triscuts in hand (fire roasted tomato, yumm!) and a favorite pandora playlist lulling me in and out of consciousness. It feels so good! You should try it! :) I'll be honest, I havent tried it in a while. But this evening I embrace rest in all it's glory!

So, what have I been up to? Well, since you asked, why dont you join me. Take a seat, kick up your feet and I will tell you…

April:

After returning from the Dominican Republic, all of the Children of the Nations USA staff came together for our annual homecoming, prayer retreat and training in Silverdale, WA (where our corporate office is located). What a fun week that was! It is always so refreshing to come together as one team, one family, to regroup and refocus on God, who he has called us to serve and who he desires for us to be, in Him. The week was full of fun, rest, prayer, reflection, new faces and fresh ideas. I left feeling encouraged and assured, once again, that working with Children of the Nations is exactly where God wants me to be. 

The sunday after we returned, Flood church announced at their Easter service that over the previous 4 weeks, the church family had raised over $200,000 during their Hope for Haiti campaign to help in the start-up of COTN Haiti! Amazing! We have already been able to use a portion of those funds to help 13 children and their families in Haiti move out of tent communities/shelters and into a house of their own, receive more medical attention and help get them on their feet (children of these families were very seriously injured in the 2010 earthquake, identifying them as some of "the worst of the worst". Get to know their stories here. They are currently still in need of regular sponsors to help long-term as well). With the remainder of the funds, COTN is working on purchasing land in Haiti and building new facilities for more children and their families in need. Thank you Flood Church for helping in furthering the vision and mission of Children of the Nations!

Here are two videos about Flood's Hope for Haiti Campaign

Hope for Haiti

Hope for Haiti Celebration

May:

A couple weeks after that, the COTN San Diego team drove up to Valencia, CA and had the opportunity to participate in the first Million Meal Maration. In one morning, 13 churches, over 6000 volunteers, 4 shipping containers and a whole lot of Lentils, Spice, Chicken and Rice came together to package 1 MILLION meals! That's enough meals to feed 2,739 children every day for a year! It was so powerful to see individuals of all ages all around the community, come together with one purpose of serving God and his children.

After that, COTN San Diego hosted our first Annual Benefit Dinner and Silent Auction. It was a fun night in which we were able to share Children of the Nations with other locals in the San Diego community. We look forward to next year!

(these arent the best pictures, but you can get the idea)

The following week, I had the chance to enjoy a week of vacation in Palm Desert with my parents and sister. We did a whole lot of nothing, which was exactly what we all needed. 

June:

Upon returning from vacation, COTN San Diego began a Water Purification project with Pondorosa Pines Christian Camp (commonly known as "Pondo") up in the San Bernardino mountains. Our team went up to the camp and transformed an old, hidden cabin into a building that looks like it's from a Dominican Batey. We set up 9 stations in and around the building to serve as a prayer walk and prayer prompt for the campers throughout the summer. 

Here are a couple pictures through the prayer walk…

 little cabin batey in the woods

 This cabin of boys were the first to go through the prayer walk. 

These two are stopping at the "Things We Take For Grated" prayer station. 

Reading and praying at the "Water" station in front

The "Bathing", "Outhouse" (not pictured) and "Hope for the Future" prayer stations around the back

stepping into the one room house

Throughout the summer, over 80 churches in southern california and surrounding areas will have the opportunity to hear about COTN and participate in a project to provide clean water for two bateys in the Dominican Republic that have found high levels of E.coli in their water. We are also making plans to run a church camp for children in the Dominican Republic! I am excited to be going back up to Pondo on Tuesday as this week's COTN speaker/representative and see how things are going. 

The last couple weeks, the COTN San Diego team has put our creative juices together and furnished our new office in Kearny Mesa (amazing how many free and inexpensive materials are out there. And how creative you can get when you are working with a tiny budget) and just today we had our first Meal Packaging Event in our warehouse! The Barnabus Group, San Diego Chapter, brought about 50 volunteers and packaged 10,000 meals! 

In the midst of this, I have been blessed with enough personal financial support to allow me to move out of my parents house and into a couple temporary room renting situations (my friend Claire was in South Africa for a month and now I am renting another friend's room while she takes a six week trip through Europe). 

I am now looking for another place to live starting August 1. 

Coming Soon…

My next adventure is a mini-road trip in mid-July from San Diego to the Los Angeles, Orange County, San Bernardino Mountains and High Desert areas… I told you it was mini :) I am really looking forward to seeing and catching up with family and friends!

It has been so exciting to watch God move through all of these awesome opportunities these past months. I am continually reminded of what a blessing it is to work with the people that I do, serve the children and families that God has brought to COTN and to be a part of something so much bigger than myself. There are days when it feels too big, but that is when God reminds me that He is in control and I am not. He has simply asked me to be his hands, feet and voice. I pray that I can do so humbly and faithfully. 

Whew! I apologize for the length (and apologize that this is the first COTN update in 3 months!), but it is good to catch up ;) I hope you enjoyed sitting and resting as much as I have. 

I'd love to hear from you too! Feel free to email me at amberkaiser@cotni.org

- Breathing -

With a single breath we are given life and with one breath we can loose life; it's the breaths in between that matter most. Over the weekend, as we remembered Christ's death and celebrated his life and resurrection, a close friend lost his dad to a massive heart attack and another close friend welcomed their first child into the world. The stark contrast of emotions in the last few days have been amazing, though ringing of the same tone: life is precious and short and we have a choice in what we do with it.

I have heard pastors conducting funerals often use the phrase "what are you doing with your dash?". The idea being that when you die, your tombstone displays your birthday, a "-" , and then your last day. That one little, tiny line tells a story. I have been asking myself what kind of story my "-" tells, seeking honest answers. I have been assured of many things, but also faced with the reality that if you were to zoom in on that little line, you would also see some messy things. One mess in particular is the looming word "busy". Used in a sentence? "I'm sorry, I'm busy that day", "ya, I'm doing really well, I've been keepin' busy" or "I'm so sorry I havent gotten back to you, I've been super crazy-busy" (not just "busy", but "crazy-busy"… as if we needed help getting our point across). I dont want to get to the end of my "-" and have been "busy". I want to get to the end and know that every speck of that little line was used to cultivate relationships, have fun, explore my gifts and talents, restore relationships, accomplish great things (big and small), experience the world and it's Creator, act justly, love mercy, humbly walk with Him and breathe. So, today's blog (I know, I havent been very good at blogging! I'm trying to make this a regular part of my "-") is dedicated to the breaths that were taken and the full, blessed life that was lived by Gary Field (December 27, 1955 - April 23, 2011), to the breaths and adventures that are still to be taken in the life of Aurora Cate Barr (born April 25, 2011), and to the wonderful friends, family and ever-loving God that grace my "-" and bring joy, peace, restoration, adventure and healing to even the simplest of breaths.  May you live a very full "-"

If to distant lands I scatter

If I sail to farthest seas

Would You find and firm and gather?

'Til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures

Would You leave to look for me?

Forfeit glory to come after?

'Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition

If my soul one goal to seek

This my solitary vision

'Til I only dwell in Thee

That I only dwell in Thee

'Til I only dwell in Thee

("Hymn" by Brooke Fraser)

the experience of love

I got home last night with a new found love, the Dominican Republic. Though it was just a week, I was so pleased with all that we were able to experience in such a short time. I cant wait to go back. Our team read a great book before coming on this trip called Foreign to Familiar, which is about being aware, understanding and communicating with other cultures. It was very helpful in preparing us and having grace toward ourselves and others within those differences. One of the things I love most about trips and experiences like this is that it never fails to expand my mind, heart and love for God and his children.

Before leaving and for a least the first 2-3 days of the trip I had the children's' song "oh be careful little eyes what you see, oh be careful little ears what you hear… little hands what you do… little feet where you go…[little mind where you dwell]… for the Father up above is looking down in love, oh be careful…" stuck in my head. The day I left, my mom told me she felt that for whatever reason I needed to be reminded to "look at their hearts, not their conditions". At first I was kind of taken aback when she said this. Of course I would look at their hearts! … but these words were not from her. Having those things in mind all week helped me to see how much I do focus on destitute conditions before people's hearts, because the destitution is impossible to ignore (and, in my opinion, completely wrong to ignore). Now I see that God was reminding me to see that we are all broken people in need of and deserving of His love. Through the holding of childrens' hands, laughing over language barriers, painting a school room, listening to the stories of staff and children, being a part of creating a safe place for the staff to let loose and relax, enjoying the growing togetherness of our team, exploring the needs of the community, encouraging the strengths and giftedness of each COTN-DR staff person, learning about the daily conditions and struggles of those living in the bateys (and the Dominican Republic in general), learning, listening, worshiping and creating together I experienced love in so many different forms. Though our humanness shone through quite often, there was a constant reassurance that God does love each of us and wants the best for us. He cries with us, laughs with us, dances with us and holds us. That is a love far greater than we will ever begin to fully understand or experience this side of heaven, but certainly one worth fighting for. On the plane ride home I read another great book called unearth about re-entering into our monetarily wealthy American society and how to healthily process overseas experiences and, specifically, overseas missions.  There are so many quotable pieces in the book (it's an easy read, I highly recommend it), but one that really stood out to me was this…

"Love is entering into the pain as well as the glory of this world. There is no way to love authentically without getting messy. And messes will surely erupt as broken people collide in their pursuit to be like Christ. When I think of great lovers in this world, I think of the people who endured heartache and struggle in their efforts to love well. These people are people who give of themselves without expectation or restraint, to love without return… Love will at times sting deeper and ache more than you think you can bear. Although it demands so much of you, it is the most heavenly gift we can engage in here on earth" (unearth, pg. 57 & 59)

And now… pictures :)

 We met these children at the Skills Center (the COTN schools rotate every day) located in Pueblo Nuevo. One of the greatest examples of love this week was the lack of inhibition that children have. They come up right away wanting to play games, hold your hand, be held, learn English, teach Spanish, ask questions, do your hair, laugh (sometimes fight over you, "mi americana!" haha) and take lots of pictures (note Paula sporting my sunglasses). I was reminded so many times that we are called to be child-like (not child-ish) and love others - and be loved - without constraints 

one of the older boys, Chin, and Rambo (one of our awesome interpreters) unloading meals that are packaged in the USA at Meal Packaging Events

the children at the school in Don Bosco at lunchtime eating meals provided by COTN

(rice, lentils, veggies, spices and chicken)

the I Love Baseball boys hard at work

Having fun making faces, if silliness is a love language we were saturated in love! :p

This sweet girl just wanted to sit on my lap most of the afternoon (no complaining here)

Rambo and me getting ready for hand prints at the school in Altagracia

Vicky practicing her ABC's 

 The finished product! We all had paint on our hands and were doing crowd control while the children were hand-printing the wall, so we weren't able to get any pictures in the midst of the action :(  It was so fun though! :D

el fin!  

(Tree, flowers, verse about being rooted in love, food pyramid, vowels in balloons, ABCs, 1-20, Days, and Months) truly AMAZING that it all got done in one day (including siesta at lunch)!

Emmanuel, Raymond and Juanchi (our main interpreters) at the waterfalls enjoying the last of the chocolate frosting, yumm!

Saying goodbye to the staff after a refreshing, fun day in the water (there are pictures on other cameras at the waterfalls, to be posted later)

COTN Dominican Republic International Office (excited to be adding 2 more flags to that line up, Haiti and Liberia)

The children loved to take the camera and taking pictures of each other, these are my two favorite

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully, so that you may be filled with the measure of all the fullness of God."  -Ephesians 3:17-19 (mashup of NIV and NLT versions)

... quick catch up...

I realized today that I have only posted one blog this entire week. It has been a full week, which has made it go by very fast. It has been so good to learn about COTN Dominican Republic, meet the staff and listen to their hearts and their stories. Since we were not able to go into Haiti wed-fri, we got to see more of what goes on in COTN Dominican Republic and participate in a few projects in the area. On Tuesday we had the opportunity to see the COTN program "I Love Baseball" (ILB) in action! This is a program geared toward the thousands of Dominican boys who are rapidly dropping out of school to pursue their dream of baseball and becoming the next Sammy Sosa. Unfortunately, while a large pool of professional baseball players come from the DR, not every boy is chosen. So, ILB is a great program that provides coaching, training, healthcare, spiritual mentoring, with a strong emphasis on education for boys who apply to the program.

On wednesday the team broke into two groups: one to paint the classroom in Altagracia (a large batay about 20 mins away from where we are staying) and the other group to interview 4 different children who are or are in the process of being sponsored. I was in charge of the painting of the school [insert big smile] and making sure that we were painting things that the teacher wanted on her classroom wall. (Once I download the pictures I will make sure to post them up here) We painted a food pyramid, the ABCs, 1-20, days, months, vowels and a verse, a large tree and flowers with the childrens' hands as the petals and leaves. Language barriers made it fairly challenging in making sure that the teacher was getting what she wanted, but at the end of the day I think she was pleased. It was a lot of work and a lot of fun.

Yesterday we facilitated a leadership workshop using Strengths Based Leadership tools from Strengths Finder. It was so fun to learn more about the COTN-DR staff, their passion for what they do and poor into them more so that they can continue to poor into the lives of the hundreds and thousands of children that they care for on a daily basis.

Today we had the great opportunity to host a day at the waterfalls for the COTN-DR staff all day. We got to go to the local market and use the kitchen here at Casa Bethesda so that we could serve a meal for around 30+ people (staff and their families). They have been working so hard, serving so many teams that we wanted a chance to give them a little retreat. We went up to some gorgeous waterfalls and for $150 we were able to rent the entire place out for the whole day. It was so worth it! We bar-b-qued hamburgers and hotdogs, cream corn, veggies and made chocolate cake and swam and laughed all day. It was so rewarding to see them relaxing and having fun.

Well, it is late here and we have to pack up tomorrow morning to go back to Santo Domingo so I am off to bed. Once I am there I will have more time to write... I think. That way I can share more about what we have experienced during our time in the DR. Until then, buenas noches :)

We're here

We arrived in the Dominican Republic after an 8 hour red-eye flight (and maybe 1.5 hrs of sleep). It felt like a bit of a dream to come through customs, meet up with the rest of the team and our driver and drive to Barahona. What a beautiful place this is, not just the terrain but the COTN-DR staff have been so welcoming and it has been absolutely so exciting to see Children of the Nations in action. 

Team members: Caitlin, Angela, Holly, Vicky, Derek, Me and Travis with principal of Pueblo Nuevo and Gustav (not sure what he does, but he seemed nice :) ).
We had a great day visiting 4 of the schools including a kindergarten/preschool and skills center. It was so exciting to be greeted by so many children.

We also found out today that we are not able to go to Haiti due to safety concerns. The presidential elections just ended and the results will be announced in the next couple days. Right now there are two candidates that have prematurely said that they won. So when they announce the winner, they are anticipating riots. Please join us in praying for those in Haiti. So we are bummed not to go in but glad that the right decision was made. We are also excited to have more time in the Dominican Republic to get to know the staff and COTN programs better.

I am currently so exhausted and ready for bed.... so until next time :) I cant wait to tell you more when I'm more awake.

"When joy is the destination, the journey is full of delight"

.:: Welcome to Open Canvas ::.

My heart swooned as I walked by an art store today, seeing the thick stack of blank, crispy white canvases in the window. The potential. “What masterpieces might be created on those simple frames?” I wondered, each one with a different shape, size and endless amount of possibilities. There is something also very scary about a blank canvas. Not knowing where to start or how to put into color what is mulling inside… the fear of painting the wrong thing. But in order for the pigments to show, the “silent veto” must be overruled and brush must touch parchment.

I couldn’t help but imagine God feeling the same way, swooning over us, seeing all of the possibilities. Meanwhile, our human fear of the unknown creates a desire to be the only painter. But we must remember that, while we participate in the direction of the brush strokes, He is the artist.

And so, it is with this that I begin “Open Canvas” as a way to share with you as I experience new, exciting, interesting and maybe even humanly scary things on my journey with God and Children of the Nations. It is because of my ever growing, deep love for and love from our creator that I am now a part of the COTN family. And it is my hope that you may also fall in love with this movement of “raising children who transform nations”.  

I am excited to experience more of COTN as I travel with our team of seven to the Dominican Republic and Haiti (March 26-April 5). Check out this video (Hope for Haiti) to get a taste of what COTN (and Flood Church) is doing in Haiti, what we will be working on while we are there and how you can be a part of this exciting growth. I will be posting as we go.   Bon voyage!